Opinions on this poem?

Seconds old and shrieking

My blue baby

They said you couldn’t breathe

But you were warm

My blue baby

You were mine



Three years old and smiling

My blue baby

Sniffing cornflowers

They said you were all wrong

But you were all there

And my blue baby,

You were mine



Sweet sixteen and crying

My blue baby

They said you couldn’t feel

But you felt for him

And my blue baby,

You were mine



Twenty-seven and kissing

My blue baby

They said you wouldn’t last

But you were there

Dressed in white

And my blue baby,

You became his.

Opinions on this poem?
i agree with nancy - too many "blues"



other than that - i like it
Reply:I think it's very moving. But I think it would have more impact if you took out all the "blue's" until the last stanza. Make it more like a surprise to the reader. (Just my opinion!)
Reply:I understand completely where you are coming from, and where you ended up with this poem! I'll bet your daughter cried when you gave it to her at her wedding too. For that purpose it was a wonderful sentiment, for a poem to publish, it would need to be reworked, but it is beautiful as it is for why it is written. Thanks for sharing.
Reply:Its very interesting. I like it a lot.